Sunday, April 02, 2006

The Cat was Away...

Bachelor weekend is over. I spent it well, reaching a level of debauchery previously acheived only by English nannies and smurfs. Even my wife was embarassed by my lack of ambition.

Bullock (upon calling at 8:45 Saturday night): I didn't think you'd be home. What are you doing?
Me: Watching "Sportscenter" and eating popcorn.
B: That's pretty sad. Why aren't you out?
M: I don't know. Didn't feel like it.

But don't get any crazy ideas that I completely towed the line. For example, the remote did not return to its home in the drawer all weekend. It stayed right in front of the TV, where it was easy to find.

On Saturday morning, after a night spent sleeping diagonally and using three pillows, I did not make the bed. Instead, I merely pulled the covers up, folded them down halfway. The accent pillows were left sloppily arranged on the rocking chair. On Saturday night, I used the bathroom and left the toilet seat up.

This after leaving it down for most of the weekend.

Prior to her departure, the always-efficient S. Bullock managed to crank out a load of dishes, which then sat, clean, in the dishwasher until roughly 30 minutes before her return.

Though I did not consume gallons of alcoholic beverages, my diet was atrocious. On Friday, I ate pretzels. Bags and bags of pretzels, washed down with not one but two Black Cherry Vanilla Cokes. I'm coming around to the new Coke flavor, already preferring it to regular and Cherry Coke. However, I have noticed a certain desperation in recent Coke advertising. Something is going on there.

Here is what I ate on Saturday:

cheese sandwich
couple of slices of pizza
malted milk balls

Yes, I know, gross. And I also know that this is a sad indication that, once we pass our nightlife prime, we are reduced to that which we knew in childhood. I am the first to admit that I have the pallet (sp?) of an 8-year-old. And that I ate the popcorn in an attempt to overcome the sluggish, sugar-coma feeling that came with the malted milk balls.

Actually, I spent most of the weekend working, in-between receiving periodic Legoland updates. I thought I'd have these long, relaxing mornings, followed by a little bit of work and then some hardcore bar flying. Instead, my mornings seemed not quite in synch, I worked longer than I'd planned, and no bars were flown.

Tomorrow, I will hit the gym.


Blogger hocus_lopez said...

what, no ncaa tournament viewing?

in addition to having the appetite of an 8 year old, did you also eat the pretzels like one? you know, eat around the edges first, and then, reluctantly, eat the pretzel's interior structure? were the malt balls just demolished in one or two bites, or did you delicately remove the outer chocolate layer leaving the actual malt ball to be consumed on its on terms?

9:36 AM  
Anonymous flush puppy said...

it's "palate". and that was a shameful waste of a hall pass, aside from the diet.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Bud and/or Marsi said...

dude.... that is the best you could do? did you at least pretend like you were drinking the milk balls like they were milk? they do still come in milk cartons, right?

3:54 PM  
Blogger Lefty said...

bulk foods, baby. gotta go with the bulk.

10:02 PM  
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